It been a while since I updated my blog… and its been tones of things and unfateful events that had occurred since. For the past 7 days had been some real suffering days, eye opening days. It all started on the night I finished my maths midterm2. I felt something perky and pain in my buttocks. Holy god the pain got worst in few days time and I knew my nightmare had returned. Perianal abcess , it reoccurred due to the fistula tract which is not closed in my last surgery. my worst nightmare in 21 years living as a human is coming back again. The swell and pain is awful, only people whom had experienced this will know what I m am talking about. You practically can’t do anything, you obviously can’t sit, can’t sleep and can’t walk due to the intense pain. I had thus wasted few days fighting this pain can wasted all my precious time preparing for final exam. I didn’t want to tell anyone especially my parents. I don’t want them to worry. I saw how much they had gone through the last time I had one godaamn painful surgery. This time I only told my beloved dear, after she suspected something is wrong with me, I guess I can’t hide much from her. She asked me to be strong and will pray for a speedy recovery. I had cried many drop of tears of frightened of complications, pain and sadness this few days. (which practically made my eyes cleaner now, after several years of no tears. ) I was hoping the abcess will burst and all this will end but it didn’t, in fact it got bigger, throbbing pain got worst and all my days are in agony. I went to CAC annual dinner with my beloved dear. Which I didn’t regret coz she was with me. The pain got worst on Sunday and finally I decide to go to hospital pantai to end this. As I was walking down from my apartment slowly after packing all my things for a one night stay at the ward, I saw an angel. She held my hand and I cried coz I feel so scared and touched. I went up the taxi and she promised that she will be with me. I got my strength from her.
At the hospital, Dr. Lim Eng Seng, a very nice surgeon told me I had to undergo a surgery to drain it. He said he will try to find the fistula tract this time. I was admitted to ward 323. And I tried to calm myself down. The surgery was done again on me at about 3pm after half body anesthesia and I was so scared and shivered throughout the surgery. Only the thoughts of you gave me a sip of sweetness. It ended. And the surgeon told me he found my fistula tract and could not cut it open and let it heal the convention way as my fistula is passing through my sphincteric muscle. Cutting it will mean I will lose my sensation of bowel movement. He eventually inserted a seton through it, and would let the fistula heal from the inside. The result, a deep wound at my perianal region. At the ward I saw many sick people. Which made me realized that health is gold. We really have to appreciate our health. As losing it may make us realize how important health is. I saw the old man opposite my bed kept vomiting and his wife helping him. I see the sadness in his face. I see the blank look in his face. The boy beside me had a heart surgery and was recuperating. I saw the thin look in his face and the weak stare in his eyes. He was just about my age. I promise myself I will take good care of my health once all this is over. I don’t want to be like that old man when I am old. I don’t want to be like that boy who had wasted months of his life staying in the ward.
But the most touching thing that had happened that day is my baby came to visit me. After the surgery I hope to see her and I was holding the photo of her throughout the surgery and after it. She came like and angel came to fetch you to heaven. Her caring look, and a sweet smile made me forgot for once all the pain I was going through. She accompanied me throughout the night. Holding my hand asking me to not be afraid and be strong. I tried to crack some jokes as I don’t want her to be sad even though deep down I am. After my anesthesia start to wear off, I felt the pain again. I was trying to control it, but the pain is bad, she hold my hand tightly and pat it just like how my mother did when I had the surgery for the first time. Her hugs and care I swear I will not forget forever. No body would had been able to help me get down and up my bed if she had not been there. Thanks my dear gracey, you are an angel. I know you had not slept well that night. I want to tell you I am soo touched. You had made a stamp in my heart. No one can ever replace you. I promise I will not let you go, and I promise I will always be with your side, no matter what will happen in the future. I swear I will.
I cried after she left the next day, she had to go to class. I cried not because I was sacred, but because I feel so sad that I cause my loved ones suffer because of me. I cried again when I was eating lunch at the ward when I think about the food she bought for me because she scared I might not be eating well in the hospital. I was discharge later and the bill for the whole shit is about 3k. My scholarship savings I had made for one year is gone in just 2 days. Its back to point one. I had to start saving my scholarship pocket money again. But at least its over. When I came back that day, I tried to study but I really don’t have the mood. I slept early after washing my clothes in pain and tears.
Today I just went to EP for dressing, and astonishingly, the pain was not bad at all. Not much pain as I had expected. Good news, I can go to class tomorrow. I had lots of catch up to do. I will give my best shot for the remaining 2 weeks before the finals. And I did what I promised myself. I promised myself that I will buy the sushi selling in front of IXORA few days ago after my abcess is healed, and I did it today. The salmon sushi taste good, and is rather cheap. Nightmare is ending. I hope I will get back to normal life soon. And thanks again my dear. Hopefully I can date you again soon.
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